Protector and Nurturer Figures: A Tool to Move Through Tough Moments
This month, I’m sharing a tool that EMDR therapists use as a calming and grounding resource with clients who are reprocessing traumatic and upsetting memories. In my experience, this technique benefits not only EMDR therapy clients, but most everyone experiencing moments of fear, anxiety, sadness or any upsetting emotion. While it’s ideal to learn this technique from an experienced mental health professional, the concept can easily be adapted and implemented to use on your own and/or with your loved ones.
What Are Protectors and Nurturers?
I describe Protectors and Nurturers as internal supporters or helpers who we can call on to be with us in difficult moments. These figures remind us that we’re not alone and they’re ready to assist when we’re in need of comfort. The idea is to create a support system that we might not have previously considered.
Protectors and nurturers can take many forms, for example:
-Pets (living and passed), critters, birds, fish, wild animals, characters from books and movies, religious and spiritual figures, cartoon characters, superheroes, even beloved stuffed animals, dolls or toys, to name just a few.
- Symbols such as a peace sign, images of pride, justice, nature scenes, religious and spiritual items or photographs or tokens of a pleasant time.
I advise clients to not include humans from their life because personal relationships have both positive and not so positive aspects that could potentially contaminate a peaceful and empowering scene. I do recommend choosing other humans, such as characters from TV or books. The idea is to avoid any negative links and rather, create a positive scene where you feel fully comforted and accepted.
Create Your Protector/Nurturer Circle
Bring to mind one protector or nurturer figure or symbol that you can look to for comfort during tough moments. If you’d like to incorporate more than one protector or nurturer, build a circle of support knowing that the scope of your team is limited only by your imagination. Your circle might include family pets through the years, martial arts figures, entertainment figures, book characters, vacation postcards or a sampling from lots of categories. It’s always up to you.
Allow and Embrace
There are various versions of Protector and Nurturer. Following is the technique I learned during my EMDR therapy training at the Institute for Creative Mindfulness (prepared by Jamie Marich, Ph.D., LPCC-S, LICDC-CS, RYT-500, REAT & Affiliates, Institute of Creative Mindfulness):
Sense in, breathe and notice. Does this figure you chose have a name? What do they look like? What are they wearing? If they have a face, what do you observe on their face?
Notice what this figure is doing, or where they are in relation to you in this meditation. Maybe they’re literally sitting beside you. Maybe you imagine them putting their hands on your shoulders in support. Maybe you’re engaging in an activity with them. Notice whatever you notice.
Notice the qualities that this figure you’ve selected brings to you. How do they make you feel about yourself? What are you noticing in your thoughts, your feelings, your experiences when you’re in their presence?
Is there a certain bodily sensation that you may be noticing, the deeper you engage or notice this figure of yours? Keep breathing.
Is there a challenging situation that may be coming up in your life the next few days or weeks? What would it look like, or what would it feel like, if you imagined bringing this protector figure with you?
If building a circle of figures:
Imagine who/what is surrounding you and constitutes your circle of support.
Maybe there’s only one additional figure, maybe there are several. Maybe each figure takes on a different quality. Perhaps you have a protector figure, a sacred figure, a cheerleading figure, a nurturing figure.
Notice what you most need in your life today, or in your life in general, and who are some figures that you can ally to present you with those qualities? Take a moment here to see what comes into focus.
Think of a situation coming up in your life in the next week that may present a particular challenge. When in your awareness, notice it. Notice what that would feel like, what that would look like, and notice your response as you imagine your circle of support taking you into this challenge.
Keep breathing.
I once supported a client who described feeling like part of her own dynamic duo alongside her protector figure, a cat. Bringing in kitty provided the needed strength and courage to reprocess her triggering childhood memories. Protector and nurturer figures can be an extremely powerful tool, reminding us that we’re not alone on our healing journey.
If you’re currently seeing a therapist, I encourage you to have a conversation about incorporating this wonderful technique. If you’re not in therapy, consider speaking with an attuned, compassionate therapist about your concerns. Therapeutic support in any form can feel both nurturing and protecting.
Until next month…Ginny
If you’re having a mental health emergency, please dial 911 and/or go to the nearest emergency room immediately.
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline, Available 24 hours. Call 1-800-273-8255
Ginny Paige, LCSW
Ginny Paige is a therapist in New York and Vermont. She specializes in supporting adults and children who are struggling to manage life’s changes.