Perfectionism, Social Anxiety and Imposter Syndrome - Finding Balance & Healing With EMDR Therapy
Are you relentlessly detail-oriented? Wondering if you did or said the wrong thing (again)? That you’ll soon be labeled a sham? Or that you could have done better, that even your best wasn’t good enough? Do you replay conversations in your head, worried about how you’ve been perceived?
Perfectionist tendencies, social anxiety and imposter syndrome are part and parcel of the human experience, but as a way of life, can exhaust us mentally, emotionally, physically and spiritually to the point of burnout.
EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing Therapy) is a tool with the potential to lessen and even eliminate these often debilitating tendencies that we may have given up all hope of moving through.
Stuck in Anxiety
Perfectionism, social anxiety and imposter syndrome are anxiety based and often overlap. You may have read about or sought professional help to alleviate your anxiety, in the hopes of “changing” or “getting rid of” these tendencies. While the guidance you received might have made good sense in theory, if you’re reading this blog post, you’ve likely come up short with results, which can leave you feeling worse. Expecting that you should just be able to “stop worrying” or “roll with it”, isn’t a fair ask. It’s essential to have the proper knowledge and resourcing in place.
Zeroing In On The Origins Of Perfectionism, Social Anxiety & Imposter Syndrome
There are many reasons why people develop perfectionistic, social anxiety and imposter syndrome tendencies. This blog post doesn’t address causes, but rather discusses how EMDR therapy can lead a person to the origin of specific memories and experiences that can be reprocessed, resulting in the creation of space for healing and self-acceptance.
While each person’s EMDR therapy sessions will look different, below is what an EMDR therapy session might look like and a sample case setup:
EMDR Therapy protocol
Step 1: An EMDR-trained therapist will ask the client to identify a presenting issue.
Step 2: Client will identify a theme that shows up within this issue.
Step 3: Client will identify a negative cognition/belief held in regards to this issue.
Step 4: Therapist will ask the client to identify the first, worst and most recent memory/experience when this negative cognition/ belief was experienced.
Step 5: Therapist will set up a targeting sequence to support the client with processing these “stuck” memories, as well as related emotions and sensations and the level of distress that these memories bring up.
Step 6: Client will identify a positive cognition/belief - what the client would like to believe now and rank how true it feels.
Additional interventions and steps are incorporated to continue clearing these memories.
Sample Case Setup
Client: P.
Occupation: Sales
Client P.’s Presenting Issue: Intense perfectionistic and social anxiety behaviors that are showing up professionally and personally, i.e., finishing projects late due to continually trying to improve what is already up to par; fear of being found out and fired even though the client is a strong performer; staying quiet in group situations due to a fear of being judged.
Theme: Negative self-worth, feeling responsible/being at fault.
Negative Belief: My best is not good enough. I am defective.
First memory of feeling not good enough, defective: 4 y/o on the playground, happily going down a slide on belly. Inadvertently kicked the next classmate in line in the stomach. Reprimanded by teacher.
Worst memory of feeling not good enough, defective: 10 y/o, parents asked client why 92% grade in science wasn’t higher.
Most recent memory of not feeling good enough, defective: 21 y/o, romantic partner ended relationship stating that the client wasn’t intelligent.
From here, these specific memories are targeted, a positive cognition/belief is noted (in this case, I do my best. I am worthy) and reprocessing begins using a form of bilateral stimulation (tapping, eye movements, vibrations, auditory sounds). EMDR therapy also requires a dual attention to staying in the present moment, while remembering past memories.
The above is an oversimplification of the EMDR protocol for the purposes of this post. In fact, EMDR therapy is quite technical and nuanced and should only be administered by an EMDR-trained therapist and never self-administered, most importantly because EMDR therapy can bring up traumatic and upsetting memories and triggers. Developing a robust toolkit of resourcing/self-care techniques with the support of your EMDR-trained therapist is essential to safely and effectively move through reprocessing, so do not attempt EMDR therapy on your own. Working with an EMDR-trained therapist will also teach you how to move through big emotions and manage distress in and out of sessions, since reprocessing continues after sessions.
EMDR for Anxiety Relief- Is it Really That Easy?
Can you expect that EMDR therapy will undo a lifetime of stuck anxiety-driven memories?
In my experience, EMDR therapy isn’t a one and done experience, meaning that clients generally don’t see me for a session or two and report a transformed life. Also, blocking beliefs may show up and while this warrants its own blog post, in short, blocking beliefs keep us from clearing a target, i.e., “If I forgive the person who did this to me, I’m condoning what happened”, "I'm embarrassed that I have this problem" or "I will never get over this problem." The good news is that while blocking beliefs may require some time to clear, they can be worked through.
EMDR therapy can be a powerful tool. It doesn’t make your life perfect, but it can lower the volume and lessen the charge on stuck memories and experiences, allowing you to move forward with a sense of peace. It can create emotional space to deal with the new challenges that will inevitably happen, rather than leave you feeling like you’re unable to handle another stressor.
Please reach out to learn more about EMDR therapy or to schedule a consultation.
Until next month… Ginny
If you’re having a mental health emergency, please dial 911 and/or go to the nearest emergency room immediately.
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline, Available 24 hours. Call 1-800-273-8255
Ginny Paige, LCSW
Ginny Paige is a therapist in New York and Vermont. She specializes in supporting adults and children who are struggling to manage life’s changes.