When Holiday and Event Invites Trigger: Five Suggestions To Reduce Stress
There’s a saying, “Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass, it’s about learning how to dance in the rain.” While I’m uncertain of the source, I am certain that this quote is a life lesson in under 20 words for those triggered by invites to holiday and various life transition celebrations.
Do you cope with the stress of upcoming triggering gatherings by telling yourself, “I’ll feel better as soon as X is over,”? Do you painfully muddle through?
If you haven’t yet identified why you’re triggered, seek the support of a mental health professional to process and explore healthy ways to move forward. In the meantime, if you’re looking for quick survival tips, this blog post offers suggestions about how to reduce the stress and distress that accompanies holiday gatherings and life transition celebrations. Because soon enough, the next invite will arrive.
Ongoing Events, Ongoing Stressors
If you’re feeling the stress of an upcoming gathering, but lacking the motivation to initiate self-care, consider this: Holidays are annual, yet, a year passes quickly and seems to accelerate as time passes. As for life transition celebrations, many will naturally morph into annual events, creating a seemingly endless calendar of obligations.
Take, for example, a wedding: The celebration might begin with an engagement party and from there, any or all of the following: bridal shower, bachelorette/bachelor parties, main event/wedding, pre and post wedding gatherings, anniversaries, baby showers, new addition rituals, birthdays, graduations, moving aways, coming homes, retirements and so on. Holidays and celebrations are rituals from which the fabric of our life is created, intended to bring us together to connect with loved ones, friends and sometimes, colleagues. They can be beautiful and life affirming. But these annual experiences and milestone celebrations can also feel difficult, creating an ongoing cycle of stress and distress.
To make matters worse, you might experience guilty feelings for not wanting to attend. Many people experience emotions in response to holidays and other celebrations that don't match the positive emotions we’re “supposed” to have. Holidays and life event gatherings, while joyous in nature, can result in feelings of aloneness and disconnection, so wherever you land on the spectrum of enthusiasm, be kind to yourself.
Whether you’ll be attending one gathering or 10 over the upcoming weeks and months, following are five suggestions to help you move through these events with more ease and encourage you to keep the self-care going:
Plan your arrival and departure times.
Noting to yourself when you’ll get there and leave can provide a sense of balance and control and ease stress, especially if you tend to get saturated from socializing. And letting the hosts know in advance can avert a potentially awkward exchange the day of. Avoid grabbing a ride with others to the event, as you’ll be tied to that person’s timetable for leaving.Budget, budget, budget.
Holidays and various celebrations can drain your wallet and increase stress. Do your best to set some money aside in advance of the event to help reduce finance-related anxiety.Take a mental health day before or after the event (or both!).
If you’re employed, budget personal or mental health day(s) into your PTO. Plan a “Me” day that incorporates your favorite activities. Ideas: sleep in, binge watch comedies, get a spa treatment, go to a movie or savor your favorite meal. Doing something purely for your own enjoyment can help balance resentment that can otherwise creep in around attending events. Take your self-care plan one step further and create a self-care event prep ritual that you’ll implement for upcoming gatherings and events.Connect with a friend or family member.
Seek out even one attendee who you enjoy spending time with and connect in advance. Plan to sit together, if possible. Bonus points if this individual is a natural buffer with those who cause you stress.Hang out at the kids table.
If you’re in need of authenticity and giggles, engage the littles. Dance, play, start a game of “Would You Rather…” questions and prepare for fun and likely unfiltered conversation.
Finally, ask yourself, “Do I need to attend every gathering that I’m invited to? Is it OK to give myself a pass every so often?" I encourage you to strike a balance that feels doable as you continue to process triggers and formulate boundaries. EMDR therapy can be an effective way to get to the core of your triggers and lessen the charge on upsetting reactions. You must first show up for you before you can truly show up for others.
Until next month…Ginny
If you’re having a mental health emergency, please dial 911 and/or go to the nearest emergency room immediately.
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline, Available 24 hours. Call 1-800-273-8255
Ginny Paige, LCSW
Ginny Paige is a therapist in New York and Vermont. She specializes in supporting adults and children who are struggling to manage life’s changes.