What Does Stillness Mean to You?
As the year winds down, I’m reminded of two poems about the beauty of being still. I share both below:
Stillness: The Invitation of Winter
I am quiet now listening to my heart beat. My breath leads me home.
-Lisa McCrohan
Today
Today I’m flying low and I’m
not saying a word
I’m letting ambition sleep.
The world goes on as it must,
the bees in the garden rumbling a little,
the fish leaping, And so forth.
But I’m taking the day off.
Quiet as a feather.
I hardly move though really I’m traveling
a terrific distance.
Stillness. One of the doors
into the temple.
-Mary Oliver
If ever I need inspiration to retreat into stillness, these words take me there. But only for a moment, as the pull to be an active participant in the world soon swoops in, even more so as the end of the year approaches.
Stillness and Holidays: A Paradox
As much as we’re aware of the benefit of slowing down and reflecting on the passing year, society also encourages us to make the most of the current season - buying, consuming, celebrating and traveling near and far to see family and friends, often taxing our physical, emotional and spiritual well-being - the complete opposite of stillness. The flip side is that the season is fleeting and for some, these weeks can bring happiness, connection, peace and the opportunity to reunite with loved ones.
Does Stillness Really Elude Us?
For all of the mindfulness and nervous system regulation techniques that my clients know are a mainstay of my therapy practice, somehow, out of the therapy room, I don’t bask in the stillness I create for too long. A quick dip in and out, as it doesn’t feel easy or natural to linger for an extended time. And the same goes for nearly all of my clients, friends and family.
“Stillness is a nice idea,” a colleague tells me. “But, “being” (in stillness) is the arch enemy of “doing” (in motion). And most of us humans are doers.” His take felt a little extreme to me, being someone who strives for levity and balance. I hoped to prove his theory wrong. As I often say to my clients, “Can we consider holding space for both?” Might these words of wisdom also apply to stillness?
For the past two weeks, I practiced being still for 10 minutes per day. I didn’t fully succeed. I was able to quiet my mind, which I attribute to regularly practicing mindfulness, but quieting the rest of my body was beyond challenging. I wanted to move, but not because of anxiety or inattention. I’m a therapist who operates from a nervous system perspective. Movement is grounding, healing, calming and healthy. For me, not moving, especially because I’m fortunate to be able to, feels unsettling, stagnant and unhealthy.
Stillness Is Where You Find It
Indeed, the experience of stillness should be unique to the person. My ultimate stillness might mean sitting in a comfortable chair looking out the window or it might involve running, dancing, laughing or gently rubbing my sleepy senior beagle’s shoulders as I watch his breath rise and fall. Or whatever brings me inner quiet in that moment. It changes.
We can find stillness in anything that brings us peace: loud or quiet music, breath, singing, playing an instrument, reading, walking (think: walking meditations!), playing, hugging, exercising, knitting, painting, driving, riding a bike, skating. We can even find stillness while in a cheering crowd. Stillness can be anything in any place we choose.
What does your stillness look like? Listen and move with it.
A Note: This blog post is intended as a general conversation about finding stillness in the world. If you’re sensing that you’re keeping busy to avoid addressing upsetting or traumatic experiences, seek out support from those around you, including a compassionate mental health professional.
If you’re having a mental health emergency, please dial 911 and/or go to the nearest emergency room immediately.
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline, Available 24 hours. Call 1-800-273-8255
Ginny Paige, LCSW
Ginny Paige is a therapist in New York and Vermont. She specializes in supporting adults and children who are struggling to manage life’s changes.